March 28, 2013


so, not going to lie, living 1547 miles away from home really sucks.
really sucks.
don't get me wrong, tay's family is my home away from home
and i love them very dearly, but sometimes you just need your mom.

today my homesickness really hit me hard.
it normally does about this time of the year, i'm not sure why but today it was a doosy.
i mean snot sucking, eye-closing, heart aching homesick.
i don't know if it was because i'm a bit of a hormonal mess,
or if the events of this week have finally caught up to me.

things around the hawkins household has been difficult lately.
i won't go into it, but it's really taught me a lot about life.
about how valuable a relationship between a husband and wife really is,
and how much friendships really do come and go, but your marriage,
and the support and commitment the two of you made is eternal.

i also learned today that part of maturing is learning to hold your tongue.
and when you finally decide to let that tongue go, to do it in a mature, responsible, kind way.
there are those who don't give a crap about what anybody else thinks
and will say or do whatsoever they please, then there are those,
like me, who are the ultimate people pleasers.
oh, you didn't like how i put that pencil on your desk?
please, give it back and i'll do it again. i'm sorry. did i hurt your feelings? how can i make it better?
now don't get me wrong, i'm opinionated and will tell you if i have a problem or something is wrong,
but 90% of the time it will come out three hours later, in bitter words,
hateful door slams and stomping of my feet like a four year old throwing a tantrum.
at least when i have a child, i'll be able to relate to them, right?

believe me; it's not pretty. nor am i proud of it.
but at least i'm recognizing it.
i'm coming to terms that i am not perfect by any means of the word.
and i'm okay with it.
i'm learning how to become the best me one day at a time.
isn't that what this life is all about?
anyway, enough of my ranting.

on the plus side i'm excited to see who wins the giveaway on sunday!
if you haven't entered, do it!
the giveaway closes saturday at midnight so hurry your buns over to the post and enter!

so this post is kindof all over the place, but if you have anything to add,
i would genuinely love to hear it.
maybe you used to be (or still are) like me and have advice for me-
that would be the, so please share!
oh, and the princess bride just came on tv...score.



  1. Girl I'm sorry!! I think we've all had our marriage struggles. That's for sure. And it's all a learning process. Every single step of it. You're definitely not alone in it -- that's for sure. Yes, that IS what life is all about. Learning & Loving.

    Sorry you're homesick. I've been lucky to only live a state away from my family...except when we moved to Virginia beach for a little while. I can only imagine. Once again, change is inevitable. & Life will get better with them lessons. Thinking & Praying for you girl!

    1. girl. & that's for sure. i think i said that enough in those two short paragraphs. HA!

    2. Hahaha Amanda I adore you :) thank you for the love and concern! We really need to get together it has been far too long!

  2. Um I'm the same way about waiting 3-4 hours and then acting all offended and silent and snotty but not actually just saying what's bothering me until I'm asked point blank at least 3 times. Every time I get upset I try my hardest to be mature and up front about my feelings. It's a work in progress - one of my favorite quotes by pres. hinckley....."try a little harder to be a little better". I don't have to be perfect tomorrow, I just have to try a little harder and eventually everyday will add up and someday I will have made some major progress!
    You're great ash!

    1. Haha I'm so relieved to know I'm not the only one with a 4 year old tantrum problem lol I love that quote-i may do it in vinyl haha! Thanks Sarah! You're great!