bittersweet goodbyes

one of the reasons i started blogging was because it's an easy way for me to record taylor and i's life together.

writing has always come easily to me, but since i'm awful at journaling,

i figured blogging was the way to go.

plus i love sharing our life with you guys!

i don't ever want to forget any memories with my life with taylor, even the awful ones.

this, unfortunately, is not one of my typical chipper posts-so if you only read

sunshine, rainbow & butterfly posts, you may want to skip this one.

if you follow me on instagram, you know that taylor and i are parents

to an adorable orange tabby cat named charlie.

we have had charlie since he was four months old, i got him for taylor for our one year anniversary.

taylor and i found out late saturday evening that charlie had been missing from

the care of mama and papa hawkins (taylor's parents) the previous sunday evening while we left on vacation.

(well, taylor knew before me but he didn't let me in on the news until then)

i was sitting on the couch in california, contemplating our week in california

and preparing myself mentally for the nine hour drive home when taylor sat down

next to me and tenderly grabbed my hand-he had bad news, i could see it in his eyes.

my thoughts instantly turned to charlie

he told me he had been missing from his parents house since sunday evening

and i instantly had a sense of anger, sadness and confusion overcome my body.

i couldn't believe it-the one time we go on a long vacation and he gets lost!

not only was he lost, it was literally like he had vanished.

the last time mama hawkins saw him was sunday evening before they left to go to a fireside.

she said she had been acting strange that whole day, and she hadn't seen him much but she didn't really think anything of it, as he is usually a bit skiddish around places he isn't used to.

by the time monday night rolled around and no food was gone from the dish, she was getting worried.

she told taylor's brother-in-law, who we were staying, with that she hadn't seen him but he sort of just laughed it off as something that shouldn't be much of a concern-it was just a cat.

he checked back with her on thursday to see if they had found him and she told him they had searched the house, their backyard, the neighborhood, called animal control, the police, emailed everyone in their ward about it, set out food everywhere around the house, and even woke up at 5 am everyday to search for him! nothing!

they even called in hunting dogs to smell him out to see if he was in the house stuck or hiding somewhere! seriously, it was literally like he had disappeared.

the more i heard about the situation and all the trouble they went through, my anger and sadness turned to gratitude toward our family that they put so much care and concern into finding little charlie-

what a blessing to have such a devoted family!

(they know all about someone being lost-their son brennan was lost for five days)

unfortunately, we still haven't heard anything about our kitty charlie and have come to terms that we will probably never see him again.

the tears have been shed and the toys tidied up at the close of this chapter in our lives.

i know what you're thinking-aren't you being a bit dramatic about all this?

maybe, yes, but he was our companion, our best friend, our greeter when we got home at night, and the best napping buddy a couple could ever have.

and who knows-maybe this is the Lord telling us we better get crackin' on having children

(tay would beg to say otherwise i think)

we've talked about getting another cat but i think we need to wait a little while longer before we jump into that.

so charlie, wherever you are, we love you and hope you're sleeping soundly on the lap of a little girl or boy, bringing joy and happiness to their lives (and not scratching up their furniture).

{A&T}