the twins

i have started and stopped this post probably about four times since

the twins were born, wanting to document their birth story but right now

i just need to get a few things off my mind.

the twins will be one month tomorrow, and holy smokes, has it been a whirlwind.

nobody can prepare for a baby, let alone twins.

the amount of diapers you change, spit up you wipe, pee you dodge,

and outfits you change is endless.

not to mention the amount of pumping...

nobody tells you exactly how little sleep you will get.

but somehow you manage to get up and monotonously go through the motions

of changing diapers, getting bottles, propping on pillow, feed, burp, rock and

ever-so-quietly put them back in the crib, praying they don't wake up.

nobody tells you how much you will cry in one day, most of the time for no reason

at all other than the fact that you're exhausted, and have a crazy amount of hormones

surfing through your body.

taylor describes the last month perfectly-when you have a baby,

you expect to have a two year old that wants to be played with.

not a little alien who needs to be burped every ten minutes

and cries for what seems like no reason.

i feel like the newborn stage is completely looked over.

which it shouldn't be, because it's pretty damn hard,

someone out there knows the secrets and should really let me in on the goods.

thank the heavens they at least are on somewhat of a schedule.

i think one of the hardest things for me since the babies have been home

has been how little of a connection i feel with them.

in the world of blogging, it's probably a bad thing to admit since your life

has to always seem perfect, but growing up

you think you'll have a baby and instantly connect with them.

i'm not saying i don't love them, because i do!

i would do anything for my little dudes.

but what i mean is, because there are two, i am finding it hard to have

individual time with each one to find that connection.

plus they aren't really at the stage where they connect in their minds

that you're their mother.

you're just their chef, maid and babysitter.

i know as they get older, the relationship will come,

and i can't wait for that!

for now, i'm content being their chef.

i hope those of you with kids can somewhat relate to what i'm going through

and i'm not just some crazy new mom with twins who is...crazy.

i love my babes so much, i want you all to know that.

it's just been a crazy adjustment!